Diary

01/29/2018

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Some will say it is selfish. When thinking about it, also think about what you have contributed to reach that point. There is no selfishness when individualism has taken over people. Others will not understand the fact that I am happy, making jokes, probably these will be the people almost always distant, who does not like to hear that it is not well, that gives the standard answer “everyone has problems” How does one talk with this kind of person? Some have reminded me and are sure that they could have done more and others have not bothered to stop and think, to follow their lives normally, tomorrow is a new day. There are also those who wept over my body and will mourn my death, they will know exactly where they went wrong. I will not stand here pointing out the error of each one with me, I will not make this letter another chapter of thirteen reasons why, because I am free, maybe I still have to pay for it in an alternative world. Maybe there is a God and I should kneel at your feet and ask for forgiveness. I’m not afraid anymore. My fear is of empty, futile and individualistic people, who are happy with the suffering of others, my fear is of people who do not know what reciprocity is, who only expect the next gives more than nothing gives in return. My fear is of those who are silent when injustices occur or of those who find grace in the humiliation of others. I do not understand how the world works and I can not take love anymore. I apologize to my family, I loved you and I recognize your love for me, but the world is cruel. There is no comfort in death and unfortunately I can not say that everything will be fine, but I know they will find their way.

Outbursts

 

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Writing about life

Almost there or considerations about the near future

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I’ve been thinking a lot about my plans. I’almost finishing my college, I’ve studied a lot and there’s still so much I want to do. I’ve been doing lists of what I want for now, what I’ve done and what I have to do before I actually finish college.
I lived here for 5 years but I still do not Know the city, I went to museums, exhibitions, parties, bars but there is still so much to see. I wanted to learn Italian and French and finally decided to enroll, Italian no yet, I started the Spanish course too, it is not my favorite language but learning is accurate.
I wanted a love ah… This is harder. So I started looking and found it, but I do no think it has yet. I lived here with the following thought, there is no love in São Paulo, and I think this is true, in parts, for a long time I thought it was the rush of the other, but I realized that deep down they do not want to, because it is easier to live without having to give to the other.
So I gave up, I decided they’re going to have to find me now. I did not give up on love, no that, but I’II leave it a while, inside me.