Diary · Writing about life

It still hurts but not forever – I hope

gi-carved-healing-stone-58b9785a3df78c353cdd30bc“So far technology has succeeded in making us forget everything … except the things we do not want to remember” Michel Gondry.
This phrase comes from a movie that I really like “Eternal shine of a mind without memories”
I thought a lot about this movie today. How wonderful it would be to be able to erase all our memories. I have read that what keeps our memories alive is interest and emotion. That had (today I know that my interests and my emotions were different from yours and it hurts). The first few months without you I did not want to believe, I made excuses for myself to justify why you got out of my bed on Monday morning and did not come back. I figured I’d done something wrong but the weekend was so good? In the days that followed I did not want to look at your social networks, I was afraid of what you could be doing without me, I was glad to see your status on whatssapp and wait for your message. I never saw you online which was perfectly understandable since the person you spoke to most was me (if you ask, you will say no, as I said before, but how do you explain the two hours in the call history? and every night that we’ve been awake?), anyway, I waited. No Sinal. I focused on my change that would happen in a few days. I waited. No Sinal. I traveled. Confused, because I wanted you to go with me. And you were so close. Not a message. Neither a Merry Christmas nor a Happy New Year. Anything. I could not stand it and asked if something had happened if we had not enjoyed our evening together. You said you liked it a lot, but you did not want to get involved with anyone serious at the moment. Nothing made sense yet again. I respected it. A little later I realized that I had blocked myself in one in the instagram (I had already stopped following him and I realized that he too), after a long time without talking, I wanted to question him about it, instead I cursed a friend and the urge to tell him passed. I let it go, decide it was not worth the effort. On a beautiful day, a friend request appears. I accepted. I tried to pull the subject. Coldness. I tried to make a call. Lock again. This time I was not so rational. I undressed. The truth was not very well accepted. Because the truth is only good out of mouth, it gives throats inside it tastes bitter. We fought. For a change he chose silence to commit himself to explanations. It was all arranged, everything was staged as everything we live. The blow was hard. I made a huge effort to stand. Shortly thereafter it appears with another. Serious relationship. I uncontrolled. I was floorless. I knew I needed help. I looked. So strange to want to forget someone who loved so much. What to do when you realize that in the same proportion you gave love you received masked contempt of manipulation and low games?!

 

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Stories · Writing about life

She wanted the world and went after

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Photo: Public Domain.

She was a restless girl with big dreams, waking up in the middle of the night and imagining herself to be great, being free. The small inland town where she lived with her siblings was no longer enough for her plans, she needed more.

Her friends rejoiced when after Sunday Mass they could wander around the square and engage in lively discussions with the boys and sometimes have the balls. Like the good girls in town, they were allowed to stay until one o’clock in the morning, or the parents would come and pick them up, they could not be “spoken.”

She was never interested in taking a walk in the square after Mass, not that she did not like the square or the city, she just wanted more. The boys of the city courted her, tried to please her, but no one ever really got her, her heart belonged elsewhere.

As the years went by, she began to be choked with all this, with the sameness of years that could not improve. Then she fidgeted again, packed her bag, put her guitar on her back, and left. They tried to stop her, but she did not let go, she had to go after her dreams.

Today she does not regret this choice, in fact, she thinks it was the best thing she did. She has not yet arrived where she wants to, but the important thing is to take the first step, and she gave and continues giving, sometimes short, sometimes long strides, in search of what makes her heart vibrate.