Fix you

Hey Guys !

I had a very frank conversation with my psychologist yesterday. It was not good at all. It’s hard when you can not see things on your own, when it’s so difficult and so painful to realize, that you simply make up an excuse, camouflage your true intentions, make it look good, to justify doing harm to yourself. I do this. Very. And it’s hard to tell. In this conversation she told me what I was doing, with all the letters loud and clear. He had no warning, no fluffy words, it was all in the can, without a chill. I had no argument. I was silent. Fighting with myself, trying to deny and prevent the inevitable. It was true. It’s all true. I’m just like that, and I do not like it. I realized that even though we have no intention of hurting others, our attitudes may be hurting ourselves and interfering in each other’s lives, even if we do not have evil. I lay down, pensive, with tears on my face and a whirlwind of thoughts. Coldplay’s “fix you” song never fit so well in a moment.

 

When you try your best, but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide to home
And ignite your bones
And I will try, to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you’re too in love to let it go
But if you never try, you’ll never know
Just what you’re worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try, to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

“Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you”

9 Comments

  1. I remember having a moment like that with a psychologist, 20 years ago. She pulled me up and pointed out that as someone who worked in mental health, I should know how very lucky I was to be pretty healthy. It shook me but I listened.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m trying, trying hard, all these months of therapy. It is not always easy even more when you have many more things rooted. I have faith that it will be alright, that if every day I try a little I will reach my goals. small step. Thank you for your comment and for sharing your experience. XoXo.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I had years of therapy and still see my psychiatrist every three months. My illness will not disappear but I am no longer ignorant about challenges/stresses. Good luck!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thanks. I hope to speak to you again in a moment (soon) and be at the same level of evolution as you. Evolution is slow and barely perceptible, but I know it comes if we persevere. Thank you for sharing.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. There comes a time when we need external help to “unravel” the skein that, with the passage of time and the self-deception of ourselves looking the other way, has been forming within us.
    In that I am now, moving forward.
    Greetings from the south of the world.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Greetings from Brazil. Yes, sometimes we need someone to show us what they can not see even though they are ahead of us. Changing perspectives, looking at the same (ourselves) in a different and essential way to discover the sea of things and paths that exist. I’m loving to discover myself, I hope to come back with beautiful and happy stories.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. We definitely don’t need to have evil to do harm to others our ourselves, I can relate to that.
    At the end of the day, although psychologist obviously do help, it´s on you. I have a saying I say to myself each morning, actually several but one is ¨I own it¨and ¨is me and me¨….well two in this case.
    Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

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