Today’s text is a self-reflection in the face of a situation. It is not pleasant (the situation, I say), in fact it is repetitive and exhausting, but in the end everything works out.
It took time to understand that certain things never change. That always happened.
I am taurine, with virgin ascendant I am very rational but the moon in fish disturbs me a little. Being rational has two interesting points, or you can understand in a practical way that it is that and that, or you can go the second (and most painful) way of wanting to understand everything that happens.
Well, not always everything has an explanation, or give to understand in a rational way.
I needed, like the good taurine I am, with a plus to have the earth element ascendant, to open another wound in my chest and try again, to find the solution to what was in fact never really a problem but a divergence of interpretation.
On one side a good girl who believes in the best of people. That they can change and are as much a victim of bad situations as their creators.
On the other hand pure selfishness. Spoiled child who has not learned what is respect. Border the vilandade.
Once again I went, perhaps for my vanity, to be sure that I was accepted, forgiven, and I do not occupy a dark place in the mind of someone I only wanted well.
Yes in the mind because in fact I never reached the heart.
I sent word, already in the first sentences I was stuck again and felt the bitter taste of the hat that rose from the stomach flooded the heart and stopped in the throat, tried to turn into crying, words, poetry. Then he just deserted.
I have not cried yet, but this text is proof that it was strong enough (ops … rectifying. I cried yes, the next day when the conversation continued and it was not as pleasant as the previous one. But it’s my fault, I take responsibility for my actions. I took the risk when initiating the conversation, with some hope that I would find a mature person is true, but still, it does not justify my attitude and I take responsibility).
What acceptance is this that we need, what is the will to love someone who does not want his love.
Almost immediately, browsing Instagram, appeared in my feed this post that I transcribe of the profile @terapiafazbem:
Rejection is one of the things that most affects self-esteem. Especially when it happens during childhood, the stage at which we are most emotionally vulnerable. It is at this stage that the human being gradually learns to love himself through the love he receives from the important parents and adults around him.
The vital food for strengthening a child’s self-esteem and gradual maturation is love. However, when the child does not receive this love and / or suffers rejection, it interprets that it has no value, that there is something wrong within it and therefore it is not worthy to receive love. “If neither of my parents love me, it can only be my fault for some defect I have.” This is the distorted understanding of children.
The child begins to develop self-rejection. It does not fully mature emotionally and carries burdens of insecurity in your self-esteem that remain even after you become an adult.
Since most of us do not receive adequate and sufficient unconditional love that can fill the need during childhood, we carry some self-rejection. The trigger of self-rejection is pulled every time someone rejects us. It is as if, on some level, we are still having the same infantile reaction to thinking that we have no value when someone shows that he has become dissatisfied with us.
That’s why it hurts so much to be rejected.
If we are fully matured emotionally, we will not be bothered by the fact that someone does not approve of us. We will understand that this is not our problem and we will be in peace. That is, our self-approbation would not depend on the approval of others.
We seek the approval of others so that we ourselves can approve. This makes us emotionally dependent, as if we were still children. When we are approved by someone, we temporarily feel a well-being that covers our insecurity. From there, we seek more and more approval so that we can feel this relief, as if it were an addiction.
It is because of this mechanism that many people relate in a way that seems totally irrational to someone who rejects them. (…)
[The text continues in the comments (of the instagram, in the case), who liked it can visit the profile and read this and other wonderful posts].
Immediately I told my psychologist, as if to say, I recognized myself, now I know what affects me and I can change that.
The clear person, as expected, stopped talking to me, without good-bye, without good-bye, without explanation.
Again my need to know why the stuff was frustrated and was enraged.
Then I realized, I’ve been there before, in fact for about five times before, with the same person. That takes your life away because you did not say what she wanted to hear. And as it was liberating, I thought: I already know how to live without this person, the worst thing that can happen to me is that she comes back to my life, here I am well, I am sure.
Hours before, my psychologist had sent a video and just when the wound was open waiting for a miracle.
I wrote to her: I’m poking the wound, who seeks finds, I found it and it’s my fault.
She did not understand at all.
I explained in a few words and said at the end – But I’ll be fine –
Then she said, “Yes, yes! Sometimes we expect behavior from someone, but that someone has nothing good to give us …
The sadness stayed a little longer during the trip, while I dissipated it with music and memories of people who love me.
When I got home, I received the best hug in the world and everything passed !!!