Hello guys !!!
I would like to say, sorry, I know this blog is filled with too much drama and unresolved loves, but let’s change that. I mean I’m working hard to change it here, but unfortunately, it’s the moment I’m living right now, and I write about, mainly then, my feelings so it’s only natural that this reflects a bit here.
The good news is that all this is about to change.
let me explain
I was in a foggy phase. Lots of changes happening (which are not good) like good taurine I’m hated every one of them. First because change is not really my beach. Second because there were no good changes.
I finished college. Yes, this was to be good, if it were not for the martyrdom of seeing a new stage completely without direction, without seeing a beautiful horizon ahead. I was very happy of course, it was the first crazy thing I decided to do. A challenge that I set myself and I loved to finish with honors this cycle. At the same time I thought Phew! what a relief, I gotta go home with my head held high and sense of accomplishment, it also hit me hard like a slap that you (just) ended one stage of your life and that many other and more important ones have seen, that it really does not come back home with a diploma in hand and expect people to respect you. The expectations (of others and mine) had now reached another level.
Which leads me to another significant change: The first post-college job: In my area people often imagine that they will graduate degree in one day and will be rich the next day. In fact, many people take my course because it opens up a huge fanbase. It is a world of many possibilities. However, I chose (in) the wrong time to graduate. It is well known that the crisis in the country is at its peak and was an injection of many professionals in the market. So one must imagine that getting a job is something to celebrate. Got mine after 4 months looking for it. I was super excited to start, I told everyone, proud of myself.
It was a victory, and I was happy, I could stay here for a while longer. I would not have to go back to my hometown with my diploma in hand and I could go on studying and my career plans. The first month was great, a lot of work, a lot of new things, a lot of responsibility. I like it. However, came the salary, I was indignant to see how the professional of the area is devalued. Even more disappointed that my “bosses” have a humanist discourse that is all about social issues, about the rights of others, and how the rules should be followed. A disappointment. Came the second, the third, the fourth month, nothing changed only responsibilities and charges increased.
I was discouraged and doubting many things that I had full conviction.
In the midst of all this, I was forced to seek help.
This was a good change
I wish I had not gone through all the wear and tear I’ve come to get to this point but … how we did not choose … we just live and life leads us to unknown paths I got to that. I looked for therapy. For N reasons, I do not even know where they started, I knew I needed to. The fuse was my abrupt “end” with a certain individual. The whole blog is full of it, go around and draw your own conclusions about whether it was good or not.
But finally, I looked for a professional, who is gradually making me see who I am, what I like, breaking some taboos that I put myself in the head and demystifying hidden fears, which sometimes paralyzes me. I’m soon returning to my axis, my balance.
In a way, it helps me find myself, now changed by the circumstances of life. I am aware that I have grown up, I have changed, that parts of me have been lost and there are others trying to fit in. I realize, more calmly, how much I have grown and begin to heal myself.