It’s been a while since you’ve been gone. Everyone says I should get over it, because it would not really work. And life does not wait, there is no button to pause and you can not return my love. How did I let it happen? I’ll write to you and take you out of my body. I think if you put everything on paper, there will be nothing left. I told you once, “I write to get the bad things out of me,” do you remember that? I still cry when it’s hard to endure things that I can not change and I can not understand. When you have so much to process that my head and my heart seem to explode. When your lack threatens the life I’ve struggled so hard to build. Right now my face is wet and some tears have wet the paper while I write this letter, even if you never read, I will write for you. This is my diary screaming.