It still hurts but not forever – I hope

gi-carved-healing-stone-58b9785a3df78c353cdd30bc“So far technology has succeeded in making us forget everything … except the things we do not want to remember” Michel Gondry.
This phrase comes from a movie that I really like “Eternal shine of a mind without memories”
I thought a lot about this movie today. How wonderful it would be to be able to erase all our memories. I have read that what keeps our memories alive is interest and emotion. That had (today I know that my interests and my emotions were different from yours and it hurts). The first few months without you I did not want to believe, I made excuses for myself to justify why you got out of my bed on Monday morning and did not come back. I figured I’d done something wrong but the weekend was so good? In the days that followed I did not want to look at your social networks, I was afraid of what you could be doing without me, I was glad to see your status on whatssapp and wait for your message. I never saw you online which was perfectly understandable since the person you spoke to most was me (if you ask, you will say no, as I said before, but how do you explain the two hours in the call history? and every night that we’ve been awake?), anyway, I waited. No Sinal. I focused on my change that would happen in a few days. I waited. No Sinal. I traveled. Confused, because I wanted you to go with me. And you were so close. Not a message. Neither a Merry Christmas nor a Happy New Year. Anything. I could not stand it and asked if something had happened if we had not enjoyed our evening together. You said you liked it a lot, but you did not want to get involved with anyone serious at the moment. Nothing made sense yet again. I respected it. A little later I realized that I had blocked myself in one in the instagram (I had already stopped following him and I realized that he too), after a long time without talking, I wanted to question him about it, instead I cursed a friend and the urge to tell him passed. I let it go, decide it was not worth the effort. On a beautiful day, a friend request appears. I accepted. I tried to pull the subject. Coldness. I tried to make a call. Lock again. This time I was not so rational. I undressed. The truth was not very well accepted. Because the truth is only good out of mouth, it gives throats inside it tastes bitter. We fought. For a change he chose silence to commit himself to explanations. It was all arranged, everything was staged as everything we live. The blow was hard. I made a huge effort to stand. Shortly thereafter it appears with another. Serious relationship. I uncontrolled. I was floorless. I knew I needed help. I looked. So strange to want to forget someone who loved so much. What to do when you realize that in the same proportion you gave love you received masked contempt of manipulation and low games?!

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s